I was thinking just now about how carefully wordsmithed resumes are, and how really, when it comes down to it, they do very little to capture the essence of a person. Like, sure, mine tells you where I went to school and what my work/philanthropic history has been so far, but I think such a big part of why a person succeeds or even is who he/she is can’t be put on paper.
If I could write a real Lizzie resume, these things would definitely be on it:
excellent at getting neutral/antipathetic bystanders hooked on the “Bachelor” franchise shows
crafter of the perfect grilled cheese
has seen “Hamilton” four times and knows it word-perfect from front to back (fluent in various other shows including but not limited to “Les Mis,” “In The Heights,” “Dear Evan Hansen,” “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,” “Spring Awakening,” “Waitress”…)
actually loves doing laundry; hates anything pertaining to cleaning a floor
skilled baby-amuser; core competency in playing peekaboo across multiple tables in a restaurant with strangers’ offspring and gifted at the “mom-bounce” despite not actually being a mother
will laugh at just about anything
believes that most celebratory occasions call for a card and champagne
internalizes and sublimates all negative feelings; will persist in insisting that “we’ll get there” or “there’s never a dull moment” or “I’m fine, this is great!” in the face of most woes, issues, and personal problems
excellent “interested listening face,” equally excellent resting bitchface
highly esoteric/rarefied vocabulary
master procrastinator - once wrote a term paper four hours before it was due and got a professor’s first A+ in a thirty-year teaching career
afraid of the sensation of falling; exercises caution in all circumstances with such potential including but not limited to cliff edges, skydecks, and relationships
almost always willing to forgive, but when pushed too far will never look back
sees the best in people to a fault - currently working on a performance improvement plan to remove those rose-colored glasses
has a “candles” line in monthly budget
basic bitch who enjoys pumpkin spice lattes unashamedly
collector of books, wine corks, and Christmas ornaments
cares way too much about what other people think; marshmallow in a suit of armor
faking having it figured out every day - but really, who isn’t?