Friends, last week taught me a lesson in fortitude, commitment and grace. And it's all been because of the 21-Day Fix.
See, I'm a quitter, sometimes. When things get uncomfortable, when I can create a mental argument for something to be a certain way, I can justify quitting to myself. For me, with this plan, that's meant the hard day means I can have the pizza. The friend's birthday means it's okay to down a pint. The four-hour volunteer shift in shoes that hurt my feet means it's okay to half-ass the workout...just a little bit. Taken individually, none of these things would be the end of the world. Together, though, they spell out failure.
And yet. And yet I'm still watching the numbers on the scale drop. And I think that's proof that I'm not quitting. I'm still doing workouts. I'm still packing my healthy lunches, making my careful, measured-out breakfasts and guzzling water like a sailor in a drought. I'm not sugaring my coffee or taking the cake at the office party. I'm taking the stairs and embracing the soreness of my quads. It's a refreshing but dissonant feeling, knowing how much I'm doing for myself and yet knowing how many little cheats and fails I'm still falling prey to.
Monday night, the first night of week 3, I was just not feeling the Total Body Cardio Fix. My legs were sore, I was sleep-deprived and stuffy-nosed from a weekend of staying out too late. I was thiiiiiis close to convincing myself that I would be okay just skipping the workout...that I would get up and do it the next morning, that I would never notice the difference. A few factors changed my mind. Our challenge group's coach, Kristi, posted an inspirational photo with the caption to "Never miss a Monday," and right above it in my feed, Leah, Claire's older sister and a Fix veteran, commented a simple "Kill it gurrrrl" on my Facebook.
Reluctant as I was, I pressed play and fought through the workout despite exhaustion. It certainly wasn't the best workout I've ever had, but it was the best workout I could've given that day, and noteworthy in that it was a workout I didn't skip because of all the other noise in my life. I was so proud of myself...and as Kristi later reminded me, life's about holding yourself to a standard of grace, not perfection.
Hannah and I took a long walk around Lake Calhoun last Wednesday to take advantage of the gorgeous evening weather and had a similar, long conversation. I think we're very much on the same page with wanting to embed healthy lifestyle changes in our daily routines without totally sacrificing all the wonderful little things about being a twenty-something. My goal for the next week is to get back to being hardcore committed, but my goal for the rest of the year is to remind myself that I deserve grace. If that's all the Fix teaches me, I think that's pretty darn worthy.