I still can't get over how weird this whole "I write a blog" thing has been for me. Good-weird, for sure...but weird. Frankly, I'm shocked I've managed to keep this up for as long as I have without either just getting lazy and failing to update, or freaking out over how bizarre and moderately insane it is to even write a blog in the first place.
I mean, me. Me!? Writing a blog? What on earth is interesting enough in my life to think anyone would want to read it, outside probably my mom? Writing a blog is such an inherently navel-gazing, self-centered thing to do. And to expect anyone to find what I have to say interesting? How self-absorbed can a person be, after all? And really, how do I even have the guts to do this? It's kind of terrifying to put myself so out there...to let myself be weird and spastic and hyperbolic and over-excited and personal and raw in so many ways. The fear of putting myself out there, sometimes, makes me question whether this whole thing is a fool's errand.
Then, however, I get to the "buts." But I love doing it. But it's a creative outlet. But for whatever reason people actually do read it...
The fact of the matter is that I am a creative person trapped in a world of analysis and hard, fast numbers. Don't get me wrong...I am good at accounting, I am decent at finance, and I am perfectly qualified for and capable of the job I hold. What makes me tick, though...what gives me the satisfaction in what I'm doing...is the time when I'm not crunching numbers or compiling spreadsheets, but drafting, editing, and focusing on our corporate communication, message and policies. I count myself incredibly lucky to have stumbled into a job where that comprises so much of my day-to-day.
I love to communicate, and that in and of itself is why I love to write. But I'll never write the next great American novel...I'm nowhere near persistent or patient enough to do that. Blogging gives me this beautiful microcosm in which I can get the itch out of my fingertips through sheer contact with the keyboard. I'm finally getting to the point where I can take it as that: a relief, a pressure valve, a release. Who cares if someone out there finds my excitement about brunch, Anthropologie, Notre Dame and Taylor Swift utterly frivolous? This is a place where I can celebrate my voice and the things that matter to me, no matter how insignificant. My very favorite thing is when I'm writing and words are just coming to me...when I reach that state of flow where everything feels a little bit effortless...it's therapeutic and relaxing and fulfilling in a way that no job in accounting or finance ever probably will be for me.
And then there's the public, shared aspect of this. It will never cease to make me self-conscious and proud and flattered and a little embarrassed every time someone in my life tells me they saw something on my blog. I've gotten several emails or Facebook messages from friends about things I've written...and my sweet friend Claire never fails to comment on every shared post with her feedback, which always makes my day! Any time it's brought to my attention that I've reached someone, in this weird, uniquely Millennial way, it makes me a little more sure that I like doing this, despite it's weirdness.
So basically, after making it through that lengthy word-vomit, I just want to thank you, whoever you are reading this. I know it's a little bit weird and it does make me feel a bit odd...but do know that I'm having so much fun.