A no-excuses healthy January.

I think January is simultaneously the hardest and easiest month to start a diet. Pros: it's frigid, so I don't want to eat out. Resolutions have me feeling all YEAH I CAN DO THIS. Gyms are running deals, and everyone else is on the healthy bandwagon too. Cons: it's frigid out, and all I want to do is eat all the hot cheese-covered carby things. 

So, naturally, I decided to kick off 2017 with a Whole30. 

What is Whole30? An elimination diet akin to paleo, which restricts (aka prohibits) all gluten, dairy, soy, legumes, alcohol, and added sugar for 30 days. We're talking not even a trace of any of that - it is hardcore. Basically, participants are allowed meat, fruit, and vegetables, a few cooking oils, and spices galore. Oh, and did I mention I decided to be insane and eliminate caffeine too?

This is pretty much me these days: 

Why did I choose Whole30, when it seems so extreme? I'm in need of a serious health re-set. I was sick a lot this fall, my skin has been terrible, and I sleep horribly (as continually chronicled here). Let's not even get into the fact that my December diet of ALL THE WINE and ALL THE CHEESE, capped off with a week in Sonoma and Napa, meant my pants were a little (um, okay, VERY) tight by New Year's Day.

Whole30 promises to remedy these ills and more, leaving its participants with boundless energy, shiny hair, glowing skin, smaller waistlines, and a completely new outlook on diet, health, and life. Sign me up! 

So we'll see how this goes - I'm planning on chronicling it diary-style from January 3 (start day) to Feb 1 (end date). Follow along...and wish me luck, and if you have bright ideas of how to cook eggs (so many eggs), let me know!

Day 1 (1/3): Breakfast of scrambled egg with avocado, pear, sweet potato and natural turkey sausage courtesy of the Whole Sisters. At least I thought it was a sweet potato. I just googled “difference between a sweet potato and yam” and turns out I’m eating a yam. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a yam in my entire life, and now I’m overthinking the existence and concept of yams because it’s early, I’m missing wine country, and I haven’t had coffee. Speaking of “haven’t had coffee,” I’m starting to think that eliminating coffee, cheese, chocolate, bread and wine all in the same month might actually be a suicide mission. Stay tuned. 

Day 2 (1/4): Woke up this morning with a dull, steady headache that I 100% attribute to the fact that I haven't had coffee for over 48 hours...possibly a new record for me? I'm chugging naturally caffeine-free cinnamon rooibos tea to try to compensate, and downing water like it's a lifeline. 

I also spent a lot of time on Pinterest last night and started a Whole30 board...because I can already tell that I'm going to burn out on eggs in about a week. There are so many different, crazy options that I'm excited to check out!

Day 3 (1/5): I am so CRANKY. I don't know if it's attributable to the lack of caffeine, the cleanse, or the fact that it's a -30 windchill today, but I woke up and have been grumping hard ever since. I forgot to put avocado in my eggs this morning, too, and that seems like a tragedy of the first order. 

(I've averaged an avocado a day since I started this thing. God help and save my bank account.)

Day 4 (1/6): I made homemade pesto tonight and it felt like I deserved a freaking Michelin star. That said, it was incredible. Other foods I'm loving: onion in everything, lots of spice (red pepper flakes), and lemon ginger tea like three times a day. 

Day 6 (1/8): I've eaten that pesto on just about everything this weekend...eggs in the morning, with carrots as a dip, and spaghetti squash with chicken for dinner. It's so good. I also made a chicken salad with homemade mayo...I made homemade mayo. Who am I?! 

Special shout-out to band friend and Whole30 veteran Catherine for sharing her meal-planning spreadsheet and favorite recipes...she is a lifesaver, and I can't wait to try some of her faves! 

Day 7 (1/9): I was so crabby today - it took me two hours to get home from work in a snowstorm, and I was hangry and had to pee the entire way. Thankfully I had a LaraBar in my purse...the list of which ones are Whole30 compliant saved my life. I also had this great spaghetti squash and beef casserole for dinner...I used up the last of my pesto on it and it was so good. 

Day 8 (1/10): Worked from home due to ongoing snowstorms pounding Minnesota, and took advantage of being able to multitask to put together this breakfast casserole. It smelled so amazing that I couldn't resist having it for lunch...and it tastes as good as it smelled. I never would have thought I'd be the kind of person who buys nutritional yeast as a cheese replacement (what the F is nutritional yeast?! WTF?!?!!), but for the first time in this whole process, I started thinking that changes like this could be sustainable for me in the longterm. 

Day 10 (1/12): Not gonna lie, today has sucked. (And apparently that's normal?) I've been legit having filthy fantasies about Hell's Kitchen grilled cheese, Papa John's pizza with extra garlic sauce for the crust, and Parlour burgers. And I'm cranky and my skin looks terrible. Again, all of which is normal. 

I also turned down a guy who asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks this weekend, and that's adding to the crank factor. BOO. The only bright sides to today are the carob-rooibos "red velvet cake" tea I ordered from Republic of Tea...and the fact that I'm 1/3 of the way done. 

So here we are...Day 11, and here's hoping I get over the slump! 

Lately I'm Loving

Things making me smile/on my mind/causing distraction these days: 

This video of the White Bear Mitsubishi polar bear mascot falling all over the ice trying to film a commercial. I have watched it legit two or three times a day, every day, and it hasn't stopped being funny yet. Gotta love hometown humor. 

Emily sent me this amazing video of Broadway stars Laura Osnes and Jeremy Jordan mashing up songs from two of my favorite musicals, "The Last Five Years" and "Cinderella." Fun fact: Laura is a Minnesota girl - she grew up less than 20 minutes from me and we saw her star in her high school production of "Peter Pan."

Last week Kels sent me a link to Run the Year 2017, a website where a team or individual can sign up to log running 2,017 miles in the calendar year. She and I have signed up together, with one of her co-workers joining us, and I'm super excited to be part of Team Run Like The Winded. This year I'm really focusing on re-setting my habits and setting healthy goals, and I've always wanted to be a runner. With three miles in the books today (which, honestly, was a combo of run-jog-shuffle-walk), I can't wait to push myself harder/better/faster/stronger (ha) tomorrow and in future weeks! 

Pretty sure I'm buying these "Hamilton" leggings to fuel said runs. I saw them on FB today and freaked out a little bit...the sheer variety of novelty leggings they have is enough to make me want to accept that leggings can in fact be worn as pants. EEK!

My mom and I have been committed season ticketholders to the Minnesota Orchestra for a few years now, because we both love classical music and my dad does NOT. When I saw this New Yorker article about what men think at the symphony, I couldn't stop laughing - out loud - at my desk. SO funny. 

And finally, I shamelessly watched "The Bachelor" instead of the first half of the National Championship last night because Alabama makes me crabby. #2013NationalChampionshipNeverForget. So thrilled that Clemson upset them...it's about time the Tide got rolled. In the Bachelor world, however...Corinne going after Nick all night was legitimately an offense worthy of the NCAA. Bitches be crazy, and this is going to be a totally fantastic season! 

Here's to beating the below-zero blues, campers. See you in February!

my Golden Globes best and worst

I love awards season. Something about the combination of everyone getting really dressed up, actors giving heartfelt or humorous speeches, and an excuse to watch ALL THE MOVIES really gets me going. Last night kicked off the big awards season for 2017, and I (of course) spent an obscene amount of time today picking out my best and worst of the red carpet. 

Without further ado: 

1. Brie Larson

This, in my eyes, is just about perfect. She looks so incredibly polished and glamorous, and it just screams "Old Hollywood" to me. Plus, the fit is perfect - no unfortunate boob issues (ahem, Anna Kendrick in Vionnet, no THANK you). So gorgeous and classic. 

Other faves: 

Lily Collins in Zuhair Murad

While I hate the hair (HATE IT), what a stunning princess dress this is. The detailing and close-ups shown during the pre-show all blew me away...the applique, the neckline...it's sheer princess and I think it's utterly perfect. 

Emma Stone in Valentino

Again, hi, it's so on-the-nose and I completely love it. For her to be as fair-skinned as she is and pull off this color is unbelievable too. Looking forward to seeing what she pulls out for the rest of the season!

Simone Biles

My obsession with the Final Five has, if anything, grown more intense since the close of Rio 2016, and Simone is fueling the fire. She wore gold, which is SO appropriate given, duh, Golden Globes, not to mention her myriad gold medals. Also of note: She's 4'8" and brought hot swimmer Conor Dwyer as her date. There are darling photos online...it makes my life. She knocked this one out of the park - 10/10. 

One of my utter favorite trends of the night was all the yellow dresses - there were so many, and I didn't even include them all here! I've long loved yellow (I blame Belle) and wore a (hideous) yellow gown to my senior prom - these ladies elevated it so much. 

Reese Witherspoon in Versace was one of my favorites...

...while Natalie Portman looked so flawless and just the right amount of vintage for her "Jackie" nomination. Oh my god, she's just so effortlessly radiant. 

Favorite yellow dress, though? The inimitable Viola Davis in shimmery Michael Kors. 

The cut, the color, the embellishment...it's all flawless. This might actually be my favorite of the night (sorry Brie). Her speech, too, was so heartfelt and lovely. What a class act. You win, Viola. 

Onto the worst...

1. Nicole Kidman in Alexander McQueen

Miss Havisham called, she wants her nightgown back. I understand wanting to go high fashion/couture for an event like this, but the Globes, I think, are not quite this edgy. Also, I'm sorry, it's just a sad, tattered, ragged unfortunate nightmare. Go back to Grey Gardens and hide this in the VERY far back of the closet, Nicole. 

Other notable misses: 

Janelle Monae in Armani Prive

Whoa, wow, ow, just way too much going on here. As a chronic lover of black-and-white, I usually adore that it's all she wears, but this is like a crazy drug dream. If like two elements had been taken out, between the bubble hem and the high-low and the polka dots and the netting and the sequins and the hair, I could totally have gotten behind this. 

Jessica Chastain in Prada

This is just kind of meh to me, and it's doing sad weird things to her boobs. I've seen her on some of the best-dressed lists and I really disagree...plus what is with her hair being slicked SO tightly to her skull? Not a fan. 

Speaking of dresses doing sad things to boobs...

Mandy Moore in Naeem Khan

Mandy Moore. When you are nominated for a Golden Globe, your boobs should not look like sad flat pancakes flopping around in navy blue tulle. Jamie in "A Walk To Remember" would NOT approve. 

Sarah Jessica Parker in Vera Wang

Stop letting Maria Von Trapp do your hair and give you fashion advice, SJP. Even Carrie Bradshaw would side-eye this one. 

Carrie Underwood in Iris Serban

This could have been so, so chic with like 30% fewer ruffles, and in black. But I'm of the opinion that everything is better in black. As it stands, it looks like she got attacked by a cotton-candy machine. 

And, sadly, Claire Foy in Erdem.

While Lily Collins's princess moment won me over, Claire (who plays Queen Elizabeth II in "The Crown") did NOT look like a princess. That said, her makeup and hair were phenomenal (see the article here, I'm obsessed) and her speech was my favorite of the night, particularly this quote: 

"I really, really, really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for some extraordinary women, and I'm going to thank them. One of them is Queen Elizabeth II. She has been at the center of the world for the past 63 years, and I think the world could do with a few more women at the center of it, if you ask me."

LOVE. JUST LOVE. 

Other faves for the night: this little squad of cuties: 

Apparently the "Stranger Things" squad won the red carpet hands-down, and they, along with the little honeybun from "Lion," were my faves. Much like darling Jacob Tremblay from "Room" spotting the Star Wars droids last year, the part when Dev Patel lifted up the little guy to the microphone utterly melted my heart. 

On to the next show! If you need me, I'll be swanning around in a couture gown and diamonds to practice. 

Quick Fact Sunday

I can't whistle.

I've always tried - ever since I was little - but never been able to get anything more than a breathy, barely audible squeak out. I'm convinced it's a result of years of playing the flute and piccolo...the embouchure, the muscles around the mouth, is totally different to play a flute than to whistle. While it looks like to whistle, one needs to pucker up the lips and focus the sound straight out, flutists tighten the corners and soften the bottom lip, controlling the air stream out and over a flute's mouthpiece. 

You'd think, after five-plus years without touching a flute or picc, I'd be able to change things and get a whistle out, but I guess old habits die hard. After the sheer amount of flute-and-picc playing I did as a high school and college student, it must just be too ingrained in me...oh well! 

Auditor PTSD and thoughts from the other side

I just had the most visceral flashback to my EY days and it triggered all sorts of feelings…Stockholm syndrome, PTSD, nostalgia and gratitude, all mixed up in my gut somewhere in the vicinity of the spot that cramped up before I had to go be an auditor every day.

The story? A first-year staff auditor from my company’s chosen audit firm emailed me the most sweetly formal email with a question that was so far off in left field, it wasn’t even really in the same ball game. I took a look at her thoughts/question and remembered that awful, sickening feeling of having to talk to the client on a workpaper I didn’t even remotely understand…that sort of nausea that comes with being so far out of one’s depth. I emailed her back quickly, and she asked to chat. I offered to call her, and she explained: “The cube they have me in doesn’t have a phone – so here’s my cell phone to call me on.”

That right there was where it really started…that feeling of “omg holy shit, I know how you must be feeling and where you’re coming from.” My company is a big-deal client to this Big 4 firm, and I know the staff on it are considered the best and brightest…or they lucked onto it due to serendipitous scheduling. That, to me, was always such a big deal…to be staffed on the “cool” jobs. Then I went into the world of healthcare and insurance audit, and all the jobs were so inherently uncool nobody wanted to be on them at all.

And yet this girl is sitting in some sad cube somewhere in a corner that doesn’t even have a phone in it. It made me think of my least favorite audit room…the one at the big insurance client in the suburbs where the audit room was in the sub-basement. Not even the straight up basement, the basement BELOW the basement. It literally contained a door that opened into the desk chair graveyard. The room itself was tucked under a pair of escalators, and every six seconds or so, one of the escalators would shriek out a whiny squeak. Like clockwork. By the end of the first week, I thought that squeak would make me insane. By the end of the second, I had headphones in almost all day to drown it out. By the end of the third, I didn’t even hear it.

So my boss and I called her on her cell phone, and tried to explain the complex control question she had in terms that wouldn’t totally intimidate a first-year auditor. She talked in circles and questioned herself on the phone repeatedly, and I flashed back to a moment on my first big busy-season job…trying to understand a reserve system when I didn’t even really understand what the reserve in question was for. The woman I was talking to was ex-public herself, and at one point goes, “This is how I would document it: you say blahblahblah and that will be enough to provide adequate explanation in your workpaper.” And I stood at this woman’s desk and wrote it down, as near to verbatim as possible. The workpaper made it through review…but I didn’t necessarily entirely understand what I had reviewed, even then.

As this little staff auditor talked, I felt that bittersweet pang of pity and understanding for where she was coming from, and found myself uttering the same words that the woman at my old client had: “If I were going to document it, I would explain it this way…” before launching into a simplified but comprehensive explanation. Not too wordy, not too technical, but exactly right to outline the question and issue in an appropriate way for an audit workpaper. Her relief was palpable, and the fifteen seconds of silence so predictable…although my non-ex-public boss gave me a look like “What is going on?” with eyebrows raised. Her sudden “I’m sorry, I’m just writing that down” was as familiar and expected to me as oxygen.

We hung up after her profuse thanks, and I knew in my heart that the sweet staff auditor didn’t entirely understand the complicated inter-system process I had distilled for her. I did know, however, that I had been kind and gracious, and hoped that would be a bright spot in a day that, at 2pm, wasn’t even half over. And I almost choked on the memory of ordering 7pm delivery dinner, of the Pavlovian conditioning to hate and fear review notes, of the complete stir-craziness that descended most nights around 10pm, still at client sites. Of managers who gave me nightmares and partners who were distant and inaccessible. Of the morning I woke up at 6am, dry-heaved for two minutes at the stress of having to be an auditor for another day, and went to brush my teeth only to find my toothbrush still wet from the 2:30am bedtime brushing.

Then I thought of how much I’d learned…how to talk to any professional without feeling awkward or juvenile. How the friendships I’d made still last today. I thought of instant-messenger conversations consisting solely of hundreds of GIFs and solidarity. Of managers and partners who genuinely cared that we were learning and having some fun along the way.

While my time in public accounting was definitively traumatic in a lot of ways for me, I looked back in gratitude for how much I’d learned in the two and a half years I spent in that world. Even if given a do-over, I think I’d do it again…wet toothbrushes and reserve accounts aside. Hopefully when this staff auditor looks back in 2, 5, 10, or 15 years, she feels the same way.