101 in 1001: The final recap.

As I wind down my first 101 in 1001 list, I wanted to hit the rest of the highlights in one quick post, as well as check in on what I didn’t achieve (by choice or by negligence). At just over a 50% completion rate, I definitely think I can do better on my second list, which I chose with a lot more intention behind the items and a healthy dose of realism.

First of all, the items I got through but didn’t blog (yet):

#40: Double my savings.

I’m so proud of this one – and considering I had plenty of money saved at the inception of my list, this was a pretty massive goal. I banked my tax returns annually, set up recurring monthly transfers, set my Venmo to transfer straight into my savings account, and received an inheritance after my grandma Lo passed away which also went straight into my account and has remained largely untouched. Going forward, I put this one on my list again, but depending on lifestyle changes and what the next few years hold, I don’t know how realistic it is to try to double again. We’ll see…either way, this was a major financial achievement for me and I’m really thrilled to have the added security of a healthy savings account.

#41: Put $20 into savings for every item on the list completed.

This ended up being such a quick and easy way to add a little extra to savings every month. With 57 total items checked off, that’s a total of $1,140 added to savings over the last three years. Doing the transfers in such small doses meant I barely noticed it was gone, but it’s the equivalent of several car payments, a month’s rent, or all my season tickets to Minnesota arts events. Nice to have saved it with virtually no impact to my financial bottom line.

#27: Buy my first cashmere sweater.

I did complete this one…with a heather gray J.Crew v-neck…but I was so disappointed in the quality and fit that I returned it immediately. Cashmere shouldn’t be see-through! And a v-neck doesn’t have to mean “hey, here’s the point where my ribcage meets in the middle.” Points for effort, and I still dream of finding the perfect luxe cashmere sweater to add to my forever pieces, but this one missed the boat.

#90: Get and regularly use a museum membership.

I became a member of the Minneapolis Institute of Arts about a year ago, and have completely loved it. My mom and I went to Art in Bloom, their signature fundraiser, last April…a gorgeous fusion of floral design and classic art. I also checked out “Seeing Nature” with her last summer, and went back for a ramble through the photography on a cranky day in December. I was super sad to miss the Martin Luther exhibition this winter, but according to Hannah (who went), it was so oversold and claustrophobic that attendees could barely see the pieces and it was just generally unenjoyable.

As for what I gave up on/didn’t accomplish:

The bulk of what I failed at hinged on personal fitness and health goals, which really saddens me. I didn’t run a 5k (#21), let alone a half-marathon (#22) – what was I thinking? Along those lines, I didn’t wear a bikini (#26) or a strapless dress (#28)…with my body in the shape it’s in, those just weren’t realistic goals. Most disappointingly, I didn’t reach the healthy BMI range for my height/age (#20)…a goal that matters so much to me, I rolled it forward to my second list.

Other randoms I missed:

#43: Join the Junior League.

When I started this list, I was fresh off a terrible breakup and feeling really friendless and isolated. I thought getting involved in a community like Junior League would help me connect with friends and rebuild a life, but I realized about halfway through the 1001 days that JL was never going to be the right way to do that. Instead, I sought organic, natural communities through the social circles I already had established, and focused on cementing high quality friendships that are enriching my life in so many ways on the regular.

#78: Finish the Brunch Challenge.

God, I haven’t written about brunch in a long time, have I? Part of the back-off on brunch comes from the realization that I couldn’t meet health and fitness goals while mainlining mimosas weekly. Further, brunch is freaking expensive, and 100 brunches in 1001 days would have seriously impaired my ability to hit savings goals. Finally…with so many amazing brunch places in the Twin Cities, let’s be real…the Brunch Challenge will NEVER be over.

There you have it, campers – the highlights and lowlights of my first 101 in 1001. And with this post, I officially check two more off… #77, “Blog every item as I complete it,” and #101: “Create a new 101 in 1001 after the first 1001 days have passed!”

101 in 1001 #70: Read 25 of the "1001 Books To Read Before You Die."

Continuing on wrapping up my first 101 in 1001 before jumping into List 2...

So in almost three years of reading, I only made it through 14 of the books on the list of 1001 Books To Read Before You Die, which isn't a good indicator for me getting through them all before I, you know, die. The 14 I read as part of the 101 in 1001 brought my total to a paltry 55 books, or exactly 5%, so...yikes, I'm an imbecile. That said, I really enjoyed (most of) the choices I made...and am happy to provide some tongue-in-cheek recommendations for those of you who want to be highbrow and well-read before your own eventual demise! 

1. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy: This was so Wharton-esque, but set in England. Really enjoyed the multi-generation tale of family feuding, divorce and drama. Recommend if: you’rea fan of Wharton, Jane Austen, or Downton Abbey.

2. Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Truman Capote: Legit so many basic bitches I went to college with had the Audrey Hepburn poster on their walls, but I had never read the book. It’s much darker than I feel like I thought it was, and I somehow never realized Holly Golightly was a call girl…Recommend if: you’re a basic bitch with a thing for pearls and breakfast pastries (or if you liked the movie!).

3. Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald: I’ve always been a huge fan of Fitzgerald, and this one didn’t disappoint. The social commentary and general depiction of louche money and failing relationships kept me riveted til the end. Recommend if: you’re a fan of “Gatsby.”

4. The House of Mirth, Edith Wharton: Like I said, I enjoy Wharton…The House of Mirth might be my new favorite of hers. New York class commentary, social climbing, and…more significantly…social falling, all at the turn of the century. Recommend if: you’re a fan of Gossip Girl, “The Age of Innocence,” or Daisy Goodwin.

5. The Old Man and the Sea, Ernest Hemingway: I generally prefer Fitzgerald to his contemporary Hemingway, and this particular Hemingway left me lukewarm. I’d push a reader toward A Farewell to Arms, personally. Recommend if: you like the ocean/deep sea fishing, are a masochist, or like Hemingway in general.

6. Les Liaisons Dangereuses: I read this in French, and while it was an excellent challenge for my language abilities, I think I missed out on just how sexy and scandalous the novel is. It inspired the movie “Cruel Intentions,” and is WAY full of sex for old-school France. Recommend if: you think Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe are still #goals or have a thing for Marie Antoinette and kinky rococo sex.

7. Bonfire of the Vanities, Tom Wolfe: Probably one of my favorite books I read in 2016, it chronicles New York in the boom of the 1980s in all its over-the-top corrupt glory. I couldn’t put it down, and had a crazy visceral reaction to Wolfe’s writing in general. Recommend if: you loved “Wolf of Wall Street” and “The Big Short.”

8. The End of the Affair, Graham Greene: Another favorite of 2016, set in WWII England. Greene’s Catholic background and subtextual commentary on religion drew me in, but the vivid imagery and multifaceted characters in the throes and aftermath of a torrid affair kept me riveted. Recommend if: you liked “Atonement.”

9. The Power and the Glory, Graham Greene: I picked this up as soon as I finished “The End of the Affair.” Similarly beautiful writing, this time set in Mexico in the 1930s during the Mexican suppression of the Catholic Church. Recommend if: you have already read “The End of the Affair,” which I preferred. Seriously, start Greene with “The End of the Affair.” 

10. Blonde, Joyce Carol Oates: This has been on my list for years - I found snippets online and could never get my hands on a copy. Finally stumbled across an ancient one at Half Price Books and brought it to Miami with me. Couldn't put it down - the artfully-imagined inner life of Marilyn Monroe was gorgeously written. Recommend if: you think diamonds are a girl's best friend, duh. 

11. The Pursuit of Love, Nancy Mitford: I found this on a list of "Books to Read if You Can't Stop Missing Downton Abbey," which is pretty much me to a T. The Mitfords were notorious in the first half of the 20th century (and inspired the Black sisters in Harry Potter!). This story of the prettiest "Radlett" sister, Linda, and her romantic struggles was a tonic to my sad lacking-Downton life. Recommend if: you still think the sun rises and sets on Lady Mary Crawley. 

12. Love in a Cold Climate, Nancy Mitford: More of the Radlett clan, this time centered around a very wealthy and beautiful family friend, Polly, and her scandalous affairs de coeur. Recommend if: you STILL can't get enough Downton after "The Pursuit of Love" (this IS a sequel, after all!). 

13. The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath: Everyone knows Plath's background, and this semi-autobiographical roman re: a brilliant schizophrenic's descent into depression, madness and ultimate suicide is even more gripping with that knowledge. Recommend if: you're somewhere sunny and feeling good about life, because you need that to not be brought WAY down by this one. 

14. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood: DARK and dystopian tale about a future in which women have zero rights and are solely used as sex objects or reproductive vessels. I read this in December, and have to say the view of the world it depicts is pretty damn freaky. Recommend if: you're feeling a little paranoid about Planned Parenthood or your birth control.

101 in 1001 #80: Go on a date.

Planning on spending the rest of this week wrapping up my first 101 in 1001, before I launch full speed ahead into my second list...check it out here! 

As it's Valentine's Day, what could be more appropriate than talking about my love life/lack thereof? WARNING: Brutally honest post ahead here. And I'm not trying to be a downer, or to throw a pity party...just to be completely candid about some of my experiences in the last few years. Please be gentle :)

"101 in 1001 #80: Go on a date." You guys. UFF DA. 

When I put this item on my 101 in 1001 back in May 2014, I was less than a month out of a relationship that I thought I knew, bone-deep, was going to end in marriage and kids and a Millennial happily-ever-after. Looking back, the old adage “Hindsight is 20/20” proves true in more ways than one, and without my rose-colored glasses on, I can see that that was never really the case with that relationship – it was flawed, in fundamental ways that I had blithely ignored for far too long. So I threw “go on a date” on my bucket list, never really thinking twice about it…and yet, thinking constantly about it.

Now here we are, nearly three years out from that cataclysmic shit-storm of a breakup, and I’ve been intentionally silent on my love life for so long. The more-than-casual observer may have noticed this line sitting on my 101 in 1001…lurking there just waiting for me to check it off. And here’s the funny thing: I have. I just haven't bothered to tell pretty much anyone.

I’ve checked it off in so many ways. In weird coffee dates, in drinks with a maybe-not-so-friendly-friend, in torrid long-distance texting relationships that blew up in my face or never advanced off the iPhone screen. In confusing, ambiguous, best-night-of-my-life outings that require hours of dissection after the fact with my best friends. In hope, and in the complete sense of futility that comprises the flip side of that coin.

How naïve of me, in hindsight, to think that adding “Go on a date” to this list would cover the weird, stressful, what-the-fuck gamut of my love life post-Jon. I have, in actuality, very little experience with dating. Relationships, yes. I’m the kind of girl/young woman/lady who prefers the monogamous, defined, structured life of being with someone and knowing that person is with me in equal measure. Love? Yes, I think so. I love too easily and too quickly, and have learned the hard way that loving doesn’t guarantee a return on investment. But dating? No, not so much.

So what’s a girl to do? I tried Match.com for about a week, and had stress-panic reactions every time I opened it to find dozens of strangers winking and messages flying around. I picked out flattering pictures and wrote a tongue-in-cheek, charming-but-sarcastic bio…or so I thought. In hindsight, I came off like a snide bitch, and never really got comfortable with the whole interface.

I downloaded Tinder, and treated it like a game…sort of a romantic “gotta catch’em all” type deal. I answered perversion and crudity with snark and willful obfuscation. I was called a bitch, propositioned in graphically sexual ways, and generally insulted on a whole bunch of fronts. And without fail, I would freak out, delete the app, and then download it again (usually drunk) for another go. I went on a Tinder date, once, and it was a completely appalling mismatch of personalities on every fundamental level. I’ve never dipped a toe in again.

I tried out Bumble, went on a string of horrific, comically bad dates, and choked as soon as I realized I am pathologically incapable of making the first move, even over a freaking iPhone app. I did, however, appreciate the irony of seeing men on Bumble and on Tinder, and of comparing the way they presented themselves on those platforms. Definitely an interesting sociological experiment, if nothing else. 

Then there are the friends, or the friends of friends. I’ve always believed that it takes knowing me to appreciate me – I’m not generally a candidate for the “love at first sight” approach. I’ve had a few different…”things”…with people who are part of my social circle. The funny thing is, in the past few years, these things have all started over text. I’m best in text, I think. The written word is my strongest tool for seduction, which I suppose makes me some sort of smaller-nosed, less-rhyming modern-day Cyrano. In text, I am witty and charming and much more forward than in person. In person I demur and dissemble, hiding how uncomfortable I am behind a smile and an agreeable laugh.

These textual sexual romantic uncertain things, therefore, are my comfort zone. Rendered, I believe, even more comfortable by the fact that they happen at a distance – not just the distance of the phone, but the distance, in many cases, of state lines or time zones. Some have fizzled back into friendships, given enough time and space. Others took the leap into in-person interaction and absolutely exploded in my face. Still others are ongoing, comfortable in their ambiguity and non-threatening in their lack of proximity.

Long story short: I have checked off “Go on a date,” and so many accompanying subtexts. I have checked off the unwritten item “Get over the former love of your life.” I have checked off “Kiss someone new,” and then some. I have checked off “Get over the fear of putting yourself out there.”

What I haven’t checked off? The “and” behind the “Go on a date.” “Go on a date, and go on another date, and another date, until you are, as they say, dating a person.” “Go on a date, and fall in love.” “Go on a date, and find a relationship.” “Go on a date, and become half of a couple again.” “Go on a date, and fit into the societally-accepted timeline and norm for your geographical and socioeconomic bracket by hitting general late-twenties milestones.”

It’s hard, to look at those hypothetical implied line items, and not feel like a giant failure. Some kind of Havisham wanna-be hiding out in my downtown apartment with my champagne and excuses. I am twenty-eight years old, and I am alone. And I don’t know what to do about it, or whether I need to do anything about it but just keep doing what I’m doing. Every time I have tried to date, it has failed, and I’m tired of that sense of failure. What I’m not tired of is the full, rich, varied life I lead without a partner in it, and the dozens of other people who lift me up and love me and support me in the place of that as-yet-nonexistent date. Maybe, for me, for now, that’s enough, and that’s okay.

A long while ago, I stumbled on these wise words by Nora McInerny Purmort, who I have adored beyond measure for years now, and it really summed up everything I just tried to say so much better than I can, so we’re going to close with them.

“But what the heck is a failed relationship? One that ends? Nah. Those relationships did what they were supposed to do: they lived to their full potential, small as it may have been. They were mayflies: only here for a short period of time. But they weren’t totally worthless. They’re getting you somewhere, you just don’t know where yet.”

Time to escape the tundra...

...and rocket off to Miami and Puerto Rico for a week! 

My cousin Josh is getting married at the beautiful Miami Biltmore...

...and so we rented a beachfront condo for the weekend in Miami. 

When we're not dressing up and doing the wedding thing, I can't wait for some time soaking up sun on South Beach and checking out Wynwood Walls with Em. 

On Monday, we hop a quick flight to San Juan! I went in 2014 and loved it...super excited to go back with the fam for some Old Town...

...Bacardi mojitos...

...rainforest hikes...

...snorkeling Vieques...

...and sunning on Flamenco Beach. 

I'll check in every so often here...but til then, here's to another day of sun!

Whole30 is OVER!

You guys. I don't think I've ever been happier for it to be February 1, and that's really saying something given my historic hatred of January. Throwing a Whole30 and complete cold-turkey caffeine break on top of my least-favorite month was probably a crazy decision, but here we are on the other side and I'm feeling awesome. 

Quick stats: 

Weight lost: 10lb

Inches lost: 7 (mostly arms and stomach) 

Feeling: really good

Missing: the texture of bread, CHEESE ALL THE CHEESE, and alcohol!

Excited for: coffee every morning again, and a week in Miami and Puerto Rico to get all that up in my face again!

So that's the big caveat here: I'm not doing the "slow reintroduction of taboo foods" thing that was recommended by the program, due to a family wedding I leave for tomorrow. Instead, I'll be hitting the beach, the open bar at the reception, and a plethora of restaurants that we're super excited to visit. What's my plan to avoid undoing all the good this January has done? 

Two-fold: first, on this vacation, I'm planning to try to stick to as compliant a diet as I can...salads, chicken, and of course all the fresh seafood I can! That said, it's a VACATION and I'm for sure going to chow down some mofongo in Puerto Rico and at least a few delicious cheater-ish meals. As far as alcohol goes, I'm going to have fun and not worry too much about it (while being aware that such a drastic change in my drinking habits probably killed my tolerance...eek!). 

In the longer term, I think that following a "Whole30-ish" approach to life is going to be really good for me. I'm not saying I'm going to deny myself everything fun and delicious by any means, only that I'm going to focus on keeping things as whole and healthy as possible at least 80% of the time. I've found a ton of breakfast and lunch options I really love, and it's so easy to make at least 10 of my weekly meals at work Whole30 just by relying on those recipes. Cooking dinners at home has gotten much easier, and is such a better alternative than ordering takeout...eeek, that habit is one I hope stays dead! 

I will certainly not be turning down happy hours, brunches, or pre-show dinners/post-show cocktails...but I'm proud of myself for thinking that those events will be pretty much the only place I cheat hard or don't worry about what I'm eating being Whole30. Hopefully this will represent a major turning point in my relationship with food and dieting...and if that's the best thing I take out of this month of mostly-torment, that's a great thing!