Resolutionizing: 2018

Hi team...I know I've been ghost-silent around here for far too long, but I have a good excuse, per usual. And that good excuse is that I have been on the brink of death - slight exaggeration, but not really that extreme. My family cut our planned ski trip to Tahoe short by several days due to my delightfully phlegmy lungs, and I've spent the last week more or less tucked in bed doing next-to-nothing while coughing, sleeping and reading to kick off 2018. BOOOO. 

With that said, I never let a year turn without doing two things - recapping the year past and appreciating all its goodness, and making resolutions for the year ahead. Being a basic bitch, I couldn't let a little sickness stop me from starting 2018 the same way, so without further ado, a few small resolutions and, as usual, my bigger goal for the year! 

1. Explore more of the Bay Area. 

I LOVE CALIFORNIA, and I am so glad I moved here. That said, I've quickly fallen into my usual patterns of having "my" spots, and while that's an utterly lovely feeling, I can't let one of the biggest cities in the country go unexplored. Here's to a 2018 full of more time in SF (and Oakland and San Jose and Berkeley and all over the Bay!), new wineries, different restaurants, and most of all new outdoor adventures in this wild, gorgeous area I call home now. 

2. Try harder at dating. 

I hate Millennial dating, and I am terrible at it. In 2018, I may not want to date, but I need to put more effort into that - whether that's trying harder to build on existing connections, biting the bullet and getting back on the apps (UGH), or even just seeking more opportunities to meet people. I may be fine with things the way they are in my personal life, but I also know I won't be fine with that forever, and practicing dating is a painful but necessary exercise. 

3. Do more yoga.

I have fallen so hard for yoga in the last year and a half-ish, and with a plethora of opportunities for yoga in my day-to-day life, I have no excuse for not hitting the mat more often. I'm currently averaging 1-2x a week, but would love to increase that to 3-4x over the course of the coming year. 

4. Write more regularly.

This was a resolution last year, too, and I'm sad to say it's the only one I truly failed at. While my lack of time writing has been due in large part to living a life that is fuller and more lived off-paper, I truly do treasure the archive I create here and the feeling of connection this blog gives me. I plan to stick to a more stringent writing schedule this year, and to be better about chronicling things - even if it's a "quantity over quality" exercise from time to time. 

And my big intention for 2018: 

Be open. 

I don't know why this felt like such a necessary intention for the year, but this has been stuck in my head since I started ruminating on this year's goal back around Labor Day. Last year, I set the goal of "being intentional," and it was honestly the most successful goal to date. The way it manifested itself was definitely unexpected - choosing to let some friendships go, focusing on what fulfilled me, and, most significantly, taking the giant leap of moving across the country - but I can genuinely say that as 2017 wound to a close, I found myself extremely contented with the amount of thought and consideration I put into what I do. 

As for "be open?" It's a tough one. I think very few people realize how private and closed-off I really am, despite the seeming transparency of, you know, writing a blog and sharing thoughts with hundreds of people on a regular basis. I am extremely protective of myself, and I think that often leads to me closing myself off to a degree - not just from new people and experiences, but from sharing how I really think and feel. I protect myself by holding things back, and at the end of the day I think that sometimes bites me in the ass when things go unsaid or unexpressed. 

In 2018, I want to teach myself to be less afraid to open up - to seek and savor new experiences, to cultivate new friendships and relationships, and to be more candid and less guarded along the way. While the thought/phrase "be open" is, inherently, open-ended, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing - I feel good about seeking out a year that is a bit more undefined at the outset. 

Happy 2018, campers - here's to a year of yoga and writing and love and openness and adventures ahead :)

Student life: a summer class recap

Hi friends! How was Labor Day? Mine was utterly decadent in its total lack of major activity. I stuck close to home - power-cleaning and organizing, watching football (pleased to see a solid win by the Irish to start the season!), cooking up a storm, and trying to beat the Bay Area's absurd 110-degree heat in our complex's stunning pool. All in all, an excellent three days of relaxing before a manic autumn!

One of the best perks of my job with Stanford is that, as a staff member, I get to take classes at a heavily-reduced rate. I started just a week before summer session kicked off, and my bosses encouraged me to dive right in and use my allotted education funds. So I did! While there are a plethora of for-credit classes offered that will advance my career, improve my professional knowledge, and even move me along a slow but steady road to a graduate degree, I decided to be kind to myself in a season of major transition and chose my summer classes utterly for pleasure. While they won't get me anywhere near a degree in anything but being a professional dilettante, I had an utterly pleasurable experience learning for the mere fact that I love to learn. 

I started my week with "Great Opera Performances" on Mondays. Taught by Speight Jenkins, former host of Live at the Met and the director emeritus of the Seattle Opera, the class explored in depth what makes an opera performance "great," from both a technical and emotive standpoint. Jenkins, at the age of 80, has been an opera lover and expert for decades, and brought the most incredible personal anecdotes and insights to every class. His personal friendships with titans of the opera world often left me with my jaw actually dropped, and learning about what performances/artists/stagings have succeeded or failed - and why - has completely re-framed how I look at the opera world. 

On Tuesdays, I took "The Innovations of World-Class Museums," which was far and away my favorite class. Taught by a Harvard-educated curator of Stanford's expansive museum collections, the three-hour class started each week with a thematic discussion of a development or cultural shift that affected the world of museums, and shifted in the second half to discussing a specific museum adapting or responding to that change. Some favorite combos: the rise and influence of technology, coupled with the British Museum's collaboration with Google to make their collection available digitally; the "corporatization" of museums versus government support, framed against the Louvre's controversial partnership with the United Arab Emirates; and the ethics of cultural sensitivity, appropriation, and education, demonstrated through the shifting approach to Holocaust museums, as well as debates and legal tangles over artifact ownership the world over. 

I could not get enough of this class, guys. Our professor was incredibly articulate and incisive in getting to the heart of controversial topics, and presented fact without allowing her opinion to pollute the discussion we had weekly. The accompanying course text, "Riches, Rivals and Radicals" by Marjorie Schwarzer, illuminated our focus areas even further and stretched my admittedly conventional view of what a museum should be to consider, instead, what a museum could be. 

And finally, Wednesdays found me taking a virtual class for the first time in my life with History of Wine! As we've covered extensively here, I've turned into a hardcore wino since moving within day-trip distance of Napa/Sonoma Valleys, and this class added so much to my appreciation of wine. Focused on the origins of wine, through the present day "cult" and "corporation" of wine production and distribution, I gained a totally new vocabulary around wine. While I'm nowhere near "Somm" level knowledgeable, I have a much better context for wines across the world, and can use that context to appreciate wine so much more. Plus, the flexible online format was a total kick - one of my favorite places to "take class" was at the Stanford gym on the ellipticals for a couple hours! 

I'm taking the fall semester off from classes due to our 8/31 year end, as well as a hectic stretch of travel and visitors that would make tests and papers hard to fit into an already busy schedule - but it's safe to say I've fallen entirely back in love with life as a student. I tweeted something in that vein in the thick of midterms:

Still mean that, every word, and am so grateful that Stanford is enabling me to foster a lifelong love of learning. 

Inventory: July 2017

As of 8pm last night...hiiiii, guys, did you miss me?!

Making: time to write - finally - after several weeks of choosing to pursue other things instead (oops). 

Cooking: a giant batch of shredded pesto chicken from this recipe, which I can't wait to use to throw together a perfect Caprese...on Wednesday, once the madness of work and classes slows down for the week.

Drinking: the last of today's 100 oz of water, out of a Notre Dame Band pint glass, naturally.

Reading: Aziz Ansari's "Modern Romance" (which I borrowed from Dave, and can't stop laughing at), Marina Keegan's "The Opposite of Loneliness," and "Riches, Rivals and Radicals: 100 Years of Museums in America" (for my museum class!). Also just finished "Commonwealth" by Ann Patchett and it is remarkable. 

Wanting: tickets to Joshua Henry's revue in downtown San Francisco next Monday night. Alas, class!

Looking: at the palm trees outside my bedroom window and still marveling over the fact that I live here. 

Playing: with the New York Times crossword puzzle app, daily (Dave and I are addicted). 

Listening: to La Cenerentola in advance of the Merola Program's performance on August 5th!

Wishing: that this past weekend's Schwegfam reunion here could have lasted like...five more weekends in a row. Too much fun, campers. 

Enjoying: Laura's shared affinity for candles (you should see how many we've got hoarded in our extremely girly apartment, oh dear). 

Waiting: for next month's trip home and October's NYC trip to see "Dear Evan Hansen" and "Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812!"

Liking: HAIM's new album, quite a lot. 

Wondering: what area to explore this weekend. I'm leaning toward the Presidio...

Hoping: that tonight's opera class midterm went as well as I thought it did. 

Marveling: at NorCal sunsets. Can you get over that sky up top?!

Needing: to find the perfect blackout drapes and hang my double curtain rod (can't wait for better sleep in a pitch-black room!). 

Smelling: my bedside Lilac Blossoms candle, which is olfactory crack in its best, most deliciously floral form. 

Wearing: this nightshirt from J.Crew, which I had monogrammed (because, duh, I've never met a monogram I didn't loooove.).

Following: a handful of awesome new literature-centric Instagram accounts (Reese Witherspoon Book Club, Hot Dudes Reading, Books and Abe, The Shelf, and Subway Book Review).

Noticing: how heavenly-cool it gets here after dark. I'm coming to love sleeping with my window open.

Knowing: that I really should set my alarm for ten minutes earlier tomorrow morning. Also knowing that, realistically, I'm not going to do that. 

Thinking: about my own mortality, but not in a morbid way, in a healthy way that's largely inspired by recent reading material and class discussions and my conversation about goals(z) with my boss earlier. 

Bookmarking: options for wall-hanging wine racks for our kitchen - the "join four wine clubs in a month" choice might've been a tiiiiiny bit excessive.

Giggling: over this hilarious analysis of which past American president would win in a mass knife fight - a longer read, but it's hilarious and well worth it! 

Feeling: pretty damn good about things. 

Auditor PTSD and thoughts from the other side

I just had the most visceral flashback to my EY days and it triggered all sorts of feelings…Stockholm syndrome, PTSD, nostalgia and gratitude, all mixed up in my gut somewhere in the vicinity of the spot that cramped up before I had to go be an auditor every day.

The story? A first-year staff auditor from my company’s chosen audit firm emailed me the most sweetly formal email with a question that was so far off in left field, it wasn’t even really in the same ball game. I took a look at her thoughts/question and remembered that awful, sickening feeling of having to talk to the client on a workpaper I didn’t even remotely understand…that sort of nausea that comes with being so far out of one’s depth. I emailed her back quickly, and she asked to chat. I offered to call her, and she explained: “The cube they have me in doesn’t have a phone – so here’s my cell phone to call me on.”

That right there was where it really started…that feeling of “omg holy shit, I know how you must be feeling and where you’re coming from.” My company is a big-deal client to this Big 4 firm, and I know the staff on it are considered the best and brightest…or they lucked onto it due to serendipitous scheduling. That, to me, was always such a big deal…to be staffed on the “cool” jobs. Then I went into the world of healthcare and insurance audit, and all the jobs were so inherently uncool nobody wanted to be on them at all.

And yet this girl is sitting in some sad cube somewhere in a corner that doesn’t even have a phone in it. It made me think of my least favorite audit room…the one at the big insurance client in the suburbs where the audit room was in the sub-basement. Not even the straight up basement, the basement BELOW the basement. It literally contained a door that opened into the desk chair graveyard. The room itself was tucked under a pair of escalators, and every six seconds or so, one of the escalators would shriek out a whiny squeak. Like clockwork. By the end of the first week, I thought that squeak would make me insane. By the end of the second, I had headphones in almost all day to drown it out. By the end of the third, I didn’t even hear it.

So my boss and I called her on her cell phone, and tried to explain the complex control question she had in terms that wouldn’t totally intimidate a first-year auditor. She talked in circles and questioned herself on the phone repeatedly, and I flashed back to a moment on my first big busy-season job…trying to understand a reserve system when I didn’t even really understand what the reserve in question was for. The woman I was talking to was ex-public herself, and at one point goes, “This is how I would document it: you say blahblahblah and that will be enough to provide adequate explanation in your workpaper.” And I stood at this woman’s desk and wrote it down, as near to verbatim as possible. The workpaper made it through review…but I didn’t necessarily entirely understand what I had reviewed, even then.

As this little staff auditor talked, I felt that bittersweet pang of pity and understanding for where she was coming from, and found myself uttering the same words that the woman at my old client had: “If I were going to document it, I would explain it this way…” before launching into a simplified but comprehensive explanation. Not too wordy, not too technical, but exactly right to outline the question and issue in an appropriate way for an audit workpaper. Her relief was palpable, and the fifteen seconds of silence so predictable…although my non-ex-public boss gave me a look like “What is going on?” with eyebrows raised. Her sudden “I’m sorry, I’m just writing that down” was as familiar and expected to me as oxygen.

We hung up after her profuse thanks, and I knew in my heart that the sweet staff auditor didn’t entirely understand the complicated inter-system process I had distilled for her. I did know, however, that I had been kind and gracious, and hoped that would be a bright spot in a day that, at 2pm, wasn’t even half over. And I almost choked on the memory of ordering 7pm delivery dinner, of the Pavlovian conditioning to hate and fear review notes, of the complete stir-craziness that descended most nights around 10pm, still at client sites. Of managers who gave me nightmares and partners who were distant and inaccessible. Of the morning I woke up at 6am, dry-heaved for two minutes at the stress of having to be an auditor for another day, and went to brush my teeth only to find my toothbrush still wet from the 2:30am bedtime brushing.

Then I thought of how much I’d learned…how to talk to any professional without feeling awkward or juvenile. How the friendships I’d made still last today. I thought of instant-messenger conversations consisting solely of hundreds of GIFs and solidarity. Of managers and partners who genuinely cared that we were learning and having some fun along the way.

While my time in public accounting was definitively traumatic in a lot of ways for me, I looked back in gratitude for how much I’d learned in the two and a half years I spent in that world. Even if given a do-over, I think I’d do it again…wet toothbrushes and reserve accounts aside. Hopefully when this staff auditor looks back in 2, 5, 10, or 15 years, she feels the same way. 

2016 in Review.

2016!! Wait, really quick let me check to make sure nobody else has died and no more demagogues with rampant Twitter addictions have been elected. We're good? Ok. 

2016!!!

I loved 2016. 2016 was my "year of yes," and 2016 kicked ass in so many ways as a result. On our flight home from San Francisco yesterday, my all-time favorite song came on my shuffle, and I found myself dancing in my seat a little bit despite the baby wailing behind me. Because I get profound at this time of year, it blew me away listening to some of the lyrics...words about frenemies, self-doubt, "this whole damn world" falling apart...seems like they somehow knew 2016 was coming from way back in 1998.

The chorus, though, is my favorite: "you've got the music in you." The music in you? This year, for me, that proved true in every way. As cheesy as it sounds, this has been a year of music, joy, and sheer magic in my life - traveling to new and exciting places. Spending the best times with my family. Laughing my ass off with old friends and making such quality new friends. Killing it at work, on my board, and in the Twin Cities social and philanthropic circles I've started to join. I've utterly loved almost every moment. 

Without further ado, a recap: 

Traveled 

Arizona, literally first thing in 2016. We landed only 2 hours into the New Year to attend the Fiesta Bowl in Phoenix, and stuck around for sunshine, palm trees, and a Grand Canyon road trip. All said and done, an awesome way to start the year with some fantastic friends. 

London in February for a busy week of work and teaching trainings, but also for beautiful weather, a weekend of solo exploring and theater, and lots of fun visiting old favorites. That city will always and forever be my favorite place in the world, and a home to me near or far.

Ohio, twice - once for a quick visit in April with my mama bear, and once for Jonathan's graduation! With zero Schwegsibs in the state anymore, I'm sad to be saying goodbye to Miami University and Cincinnati with all her charms in 2017. 

Chicago, a whopping three times...with plenty more to come! From stops at Palmer House and Au Cheval this spring, to Laura's hilarity-and-frosé-soaked birthday weekend, and of course our "Hamilton"palooza in November, the Windy City is capturing my heart now more than ever. With Laura and Em both calling it home, there are sure to be many 2017 trips in my future! 

Iceland with the fam for a few days of stunning exploration...geysers, waterfalls, hiking, lagoon-ing, and general awe at the beauty of the country. 

Sweden, to immerse ourselves in Stockholm's historic charm and warm, open culture! Getting lost in Old Town Gamla Stan, trying the weirdest foods I've ever eaten in Normalm, scoping out sunken Viking ships and taking sailing trips...all with a liberal side helping of wine and my Schwegfam.

Norway, to fall in love with a country harder and faster than I ever have before. Between the enchantment of Oslo and the sheer unmitigated, wild beauty of the western fjords, I foresee Norway being a country I'll visit again for sure. 

South Bend, for my first Notre Dame football game since 2013! With a motley cast of friends and family, I drank plenty of rosé, toasted to Knute Rockne at his grave, paid the Grotto a 2am visit, and celebrated a squeaker of a win over Miami. Love thee Notre Dame, always and forever!

Iowa and Fargo on a crazy weekend road trip with Hal and Matt...barbecue and beer in Decorah before Luther College Christmas, and losing my shit over Fargo's charm and surprising coolness with Michael. Best weekend of spontaneity ever. 

California, for Christmas with my family in wine country. We explored San Francisco, took a Christmas Day walk in Muir Woods, and tasted wine to our hearts' content all over Napa and Sonoma. 

Celebrated

My 27th birthday with a giant party at my old apartment, less than 24 hours after touching down from London. What does a newly-minted late-20s lady do when jet-lagged and trying to party? Double-fist wine and coffee with a healthy side of jello shots, duh. Bonus points to the lovely Erin for braving Minnesota cold to celebrate with us! 

The Kentucky Derby and Labor Day with the Lakeville crew. Things never cease to get crazy with this group, and I've come to love it so much...despite the fairly brutal hangovers that occasionally ensue. Mint juleps and Team Kenya for LIFE. 

Jonathan's graduation, on a frigid weekend in Oxford, OH! Bar-crawling and partying with his frat brothers, freezing our butts off at his commencement ceremony, and topping it all off with a celebratory dinner at Sotto in Cincinnati. So proud of the last of the Schwegman kids!! 

Galas - innumerable galas. From the stunning Diamond Anniversary Ball at the Minnesota Orchestra and the Minnesota Opera's season opener, to benefits for Como Zoo and Feed My Starving Children, this year was black-tie mandatory for me and I loved it. Closing the year down tonight with the Orchestra's New Year's Gala, appropriately! 

Weddings and showers and bachelorettes galore! Mollie and Kellen, Eva and Josh, and Erin and Josie provided ample opportunities to dress up, drink up and celebrate love and marriage. Can't wait for next year's busy wedding season to kick into high gear, starting in just over a month! 

Favorites

Moving in with Hal this May...while both of us are gone so much that our two-bedroom might as well be a one-bedroom, life when we're both around has been even more joyful than expected. Gossiping about work, life, and the future, listening to him sing, and cementing a stronger friendship has been a highlight of 2016.

Yoga! Never would have thought that I'd join the ranks of the Namaste brigade, but after a sunrise session with Hannah at Lake Harriet I've practiced happily (if sporadically). I'm already looking forward to taking classes more regularly as the year turns. 

Bridesmaiding for the first time for Eva's wedding! Spending the better part of the last year planning events with Claire and Kyla was a delight...from the shower and the bachelorette, to shopping for dresses and of course spending the whole weekend of her wedding together, we had an absolute blast. 

Another year immersed in the arts...with over 30 ticketed events in the 2016-2017 seasons, I've seen incredible orchestral performances, taken a dive into the opera world, and fallen in love with the Guthrie all over again. Highlights? Adele in July and, of course, "Hamilton" in November! 

Family

The Eurotrip was the undoubted highlight of the Schwegfam year this year - getting to plan a trip to places none of us had been was a challenge that paid off in spades. With perfect weather, stunning scenery, and an itinerary we carefully collaborated to create, traveling as a family of 5 for the first time since I was in high school created adult memories I'll treasure forever.

Similarly, the Calitrip we just returned from marked a departure from a traditional Christmas at home that we all loved. Refocusing on being present instead of giving each other presents added a completely different dimension to the holiday. Plus, all the wine didn't hurt! 

Jonathan being home for a few extra months over the summer was so fun for my parents and me. We loved having him around to boat, hit up happy hour, and spend quality time together...even if it led to extensive dental repair work ;)

In other sibling news, we celebrated new jobs and new cities for both Emily and Jonathan! September found Emily relocating to Chicago for a role with a different design firm, and Jonathan made the move to Detroit to start his marketing career in November. I miss them both dearly but am so happy that they're each thriving in their new cities and career steps!

In summary: 

"You get what you give" truly is the best way to sum up this year. I gave 2016 everything I had...a true balls to the wall, no holding back, yes-to-everything approach...and what I got back was a year of unparalleled adventures and new experiences. Looking back on the chaos of this year for the world, I think I'll selfishly always remember that, though my life at times looked just as chaotic, this year was one in which I gave it my all, and got back a year for the record books. 

For more highlights, press play (and giggle at my oh-so-topical song choice)!